What the WHAT?

WARNING: A recurrent theme is about to surface......yep, today was the official get-yourself-together-girl day. No more excuses. Carefree summer of beverages and chips on the boat and three kids with me full time are over. Birthday celebrations have passed. School is in full swing. There just isn't another excuse I can come up with. So, today I did it (again). I stepped on the dreaded device which sits taunting me on the floor of our bathroom. I knew the news wouldn't be good, but I honestly didn't know how bad it would be. I was surprised when the number finally settled in it's place. I stepped off and on again. You know those digital scales. They are fickle and rarely give a consistent reading. The number flashing before my eyes MUST be a mistake. Tentatively I approached the scale again. Same reading. And again. Same thing.

The truth is, I am back at a number I saw almost two years ago and swore I would never reach again. When I saw that number back then I couldn't believe it and vowed I would make changes. Granted, I had extra incentive. I was undergoing a significant amount of dental work and I was motivated to have the full extreme makeover. I don't have that same boost of motivation this time. However, if I stop to think about how I felt as I was going through that last transformation, I should be energized to do it again. I recall vividly the feeling of people commenting and noticing I was slowly getting my body in shape. I wore clothes I couldn't before. Shopping has never been a fun pastime for me, but I almost got to the point back then that I enjoyed it. I donated most of my old clothing. It was just last summer that I bought a new assembly of Athleta bathing suits and I wore them proudly.

My high school reunion -
 smaller than I was in high school, I think.

I have no idea what has happened in the time since then. Slowly, life has gotten in the way. I have found more and more time for other things, and less and less for the things that are sometimes hard. I won't blame this on anyone but myself, but I think you also can be affected by the life and stress of those around you. If your partner is not able to make exercise a priority, then it is easy to just do the same and buy into the stress. The things you liked to do together are now yours and yours alone. I could go on and on with excuses.
The truth is, I have let myself go. I have been enjoying too much food and not enough exercise. It is basic math. Calories in, calories out. I know all of it. I know what I need to do to fix it. I have lost two parents due to the slippery slope they let themselves travel down. For my kids, for my husband, for my brothers, for myself - I can't allow myself to keep inching down the same path.





I did not realize until now
how small I was then.

 MOMENT OF TRUTH: I have let myself gain back almost the entire 25 pounds I lost just two years ago. Without even really recognizing it, I have bit by bit become lazy. People still tell me I look good. My body type kind of does hide a lot, but come on....really? No one can tell the difference? Why have I chosen to listen to those comments and take them as truth? I know the reality of how I feel and that can really be the only measure of health in this world. As I look in my closet at a sea of clothes I can't fit into, the same clothes I confidently looked forward to wearing just one summer ago, I know. As I sit here procrastinating to get my exercise clothes on and go, I know. I know exercise is a habit you form and a habit you can quickly break. I broke it. I don't know when exactly it happened. I was able to pull off a half marathon three short months ago...but even then I knew. I hadn't trained properly. I wasn't ready. I felt great for finishing but it was more a sense of surviving than a sense of achieving. I know. You just know.

SO, today is the day. Today is the day I re-commit myself to this on-going struggle of health/weight control. It is unfortunately a struggle I inherited. I got a lot of great things from my parents...this wasn't one of them. But I am 40 years old. I have a choice to make. I can continue to slip down the slope or I can stop it right here, right now. I am going to imagine myself back at the point, 25 pounds ago. I am going to remember that feeling. I am going to strive for it. I can get there again. I will get there again. Mark my words.


My first road race - Stowe 8 Miler!